A Thought ..Maybe!!!

Life has its shades, shades of joy, bliss, ecstasy and love and shades of sorrow, guilt, shame and anger. Sitting alone in the room, with all the security and comfort in the world, life sometimes casts a shadow. The outside world seems worlds apart as you listen to your conscience, striking chords with the tune of silence. You fail to percieve if the silence is out of the satisfaction and fulfilment or because of the uncertainty the future holds for you. Why at times when you laugh your conscience tells you to stop, as if you don't deserve it. Why is your always under a burden, a burden you know but can't confess to.

At times likes these you look at the four walls, trying to find an answer and fooling your own self into beleiving that you will.You look at the palm of your hands and try to catch glimpses of the past and the future too. What is it that you fear? Fear of not being loved or of being hated. Is what you do is what you desire? Or are you the slave of other's wishes. Do you seek glorification or salvation. Its all so unclear.........

Why are you so impatient with the ones you love the most. Is it the expectations or pure ignorance that drives you. Is your love true or does true love even exist? You feel guilty after knowingly hurting someone, though knowing that they deserved it. You think that every answer you come up with opens new doors to new questions. Sometimes even the best you do isnt enough. You question yourself, you question God and His existence. But then you smile. You smile because you realize that even though you aren't meant to, you still smile.

This rebelliousness is bliss. For those few moments there is no feeling, there is no pain and suddenly you are in a new world. The corner of the room, that single meaningless point in the corner, the point of your unconscious concentration is filled with a billion-gazillion meanings. You are happy and also sad as you realize that this 'happiness' is what you really desire, but you fail to find it. Can this be the reason for your sorrow or are you at the edge of sanity?

The ray of sunshine dawns over you the reality and your numb mind struggles to come to senses. The desert wind seems to occupy your cool room. Your temple throbs and your throat dries up. Like the afternoon sun you feel the abuse, of those who know you and of those who don't.

Finally you rise, hoping all will be fine, hoping time will cure everything, hoping to be the phoenix that rises from the ashes.

Time heals the wounds life inflicts. You move on.......